Quirkless Genius

Chapter 10

Chapter 10: How to Survive a Genius (A Guide by Katsuki Bakugo)

Listen up extras, because I'm only saying this once.

You think you know Deku? That sleep-deprived gremlin who's currently got half of Japan's pro heroes doing fucking interpretive dances for his attention?

You don't know shit.

I've known that nerd since we were in diapers, and let me tell you - he's always been like this. The analytical brain, the sass, the ability to turn anything into a weapon of mass destruction (usually involving glitter, because he's a petty little shit).

"DYNAMIGHT!" some random 1-B extra called out to me during lunch. "How are you still alive after testing all those support items?"

I smirked, remembering the time six-year-old Deku calculated the exact trajectory needed to dump a bucket of glitter on our kindergarten bully's head.

"Built up an immunity."

"To explosions?" they asked incredulously.

"To chaos."

Speaking of chaos, I watched as Deku speed-walked past the cafeteria windows, followed by what appeared to be half the support course carrying offerings, while Mei flew overhead with another questionable invention, and Shinsou trailed behind them all with his seventh coffee of the hour.

"Kacchan!" The nerd's head popped back into view. "I figured out how to make your explosions play Wagner's Flight of the Valkyries!"

"...fucking what?"

"The chemical composition of your nitroglycerin-like sweat can be adjusted to create specific sound frequencies during detonation! Want to try it?"

Did I want my explosions to play classical music?

Fuck yeah I did.

"BRING IT, NERD!"

And that's why ten minutes later, we were in Gym Gamma with Mei recording data, Shinsou looking done with life, and All Might trying very hard to pretend he wasn't watching from behind a pillar.

"Okay, adjust the oxygen ratio... there!" Deku's eyes had that maniac gleam that meant shit was about to get either awesome or terrifying. Usually both. "Now try it!"

BOOM!

The opening notes of Flight of the Valkyries echoed through the gym in perfect pitch.

"HOLY SHIT!"

"Language!" came Iida's voice from... somewhere. Seriously, does he have a swear radar or something?

"The next combination should give us the second measure," Deku muttered, already adjusting calculations. "Though we might need to account for the acoustic properties of-"

"YOUNG MIDORIYA!" All Might finally gave up pretending he wasn't there. "While this is... impressive... perhaps we should discuss appropriate uses of support gear?"

"This is completely appropriate!" Deku protested. "Think about it - Kacchan can now provide his own background music during fights! It's psychological warfare AND entertainment!"

I couldn't help the manic grin spreading across my face. This is why I kept the nerd around - who else would think to turn my quirk into a fucking orchestra?

"Problem Child," came Aizawa's voice from the ceiling (seriously, what is it with him and high places?), "why do I hear Wagner?"

"BECAUSE SCIENCE!" Deku and Mei shouted in unison.

I watched as Deku launched into a rapid-fire explanation about chemical compositions and sound waves, his hands flying everywhere, while the teachers tried to look disapproving but mostly seemed impressed.

Here's the thing about Deku that most people don't get: he's not just smart, he's fucking insane. In the best way possible. Who else would look at my explosions and think "you know what this needs? A musical component!"

"Kacchan!" He turned to me with that gleam again. "Want to try the 1812 Overture next?"

"FUCK YES!"

"NO!" shouted every teacher in the vicinity.

Too late.

BOOM! BOOM! BA-BOOM!

"...Problem Child."

"Yes, Aizawa-sensei?"

"Why."

"For SCIENCE!"

I watched as Deku somehow talked his way out of detention by explaining how musical explosions could actually improve hero work, complete with charts he definitely didn't have time to make but somehow did anyway.

This is what these extras don't understand. They see the genius, the innovations, the way he can take apart any quirk and rebuild it better.

What they don't see is the kid who once engineered a perfect revenge plan involving three rubber bands, a paper clip, and enough glitter to make our kindergarten teacher cry.

They don't know about the time he reprogrammed all our middle school's computers to play All Might's laugh whenever anyone typed the word "quirk."

They definitely don't know about The Incident We Don't Talk About involving a robot, a rubber duck, and enough wassabi to classify as a chemical weapon.

"DEKU! Make it play Ride of the Rohirrim next!"

"On it! Mei, adjust the resonance frequency! Shinsou, more coffee!"

"You don't need more coffee, you need SLEEP!"

"Sleep is for the weak!"

"YOU ARE WEAK! YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN THREE DAYS!"

Just another Tuesday, really.

So yeah, you extras can keep wondering how I survive being friends with UA's resident mad scientist. The truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Just... maybe don't mention the glitter incident. He still has photos for blackmail.

To be continued...